What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 23:45
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
All the time i was locked up.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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So whats the point in blame.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She found it foreign!.
What do women talk about mostly(among themselves)?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What is it that gives a man who is a submissive cock sucker his most pleasure?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why aren't there any Indian girls married to Chinese guys but Chinese girls married to Indian guys?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What habits do happy couples have?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i do to all so called friends.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was seconnd youngest,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it wasn’t much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was in good health!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We were not on the streets..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was 9 years of age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She married twice! .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I have no regrets .
But, we were locked up after school.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was scared of men, in general
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What did i know ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I think the readers, may guess!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Would this be the day?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I don,t even have a pension.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot live in the past .
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!